I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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