she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
