Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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