To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
