I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
