I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
