Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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