Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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