Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
