The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
