I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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