so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
