i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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