i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
