did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
