Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
