You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
