I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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