get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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