apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
