i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
