i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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