so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
