you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize