Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
