i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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