Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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