The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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