so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize