btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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