shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
