wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize