3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
