Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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