someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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