Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
