It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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