why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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