he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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