Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
