Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
