my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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