i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
