I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
