if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
