"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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