Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
