Sponge bath it is.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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