who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize