Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
