Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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