When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
