i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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