Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
