I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
