my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
