he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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