Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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