Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
