I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
