my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
