Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
