By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
