I feel great
I just peed on a car
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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