I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize