She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone signed my nipple.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
